“I feel known. I feel loved. I feel the best parts of me glorified and the unspoken parts of me accepted.”

Restriction is defined as the limitation or control of someone or something, or the state of being limited or restricted. Restriction is a theme that runs through my life. I’m not sure when it began. I’m not sure where I learned it either. Restricting and blocking joy are a way to punish myself. Through self sabotage and loops of negative self talk, I restrict myself from things like healthy eating habits, relationships, breath, and creativity.

I decided to intentionally explore self sabotage and awareness. I wanted to find the space to allow me to name it and the language to fully express myself. So, I decided to move into action, and break a cycle around restriction. I applied and was accepted to Cohort 5, for a yoga teacher certification program with Satya Yoga Cooperative, based in Denver, Colorado.

Shame and grief are the underlying emotions that fuel restricting joy, within joy-generating aspects of my life. It is a twisted way to ensure that the things we are thinking are reinforced, by our actions. The thought is , “I don’t deserve time to myself to focus on art,” and the behavior is I don’t make time to focus on art, therefore I never move from thought into action around something that brings me joy. A vicious, unloving cycle.

Wholeness

Satya is a sanskrit word, and translated into English is “truth in words and action”. The Satya Yoga Cooperative is the “only person of color member owned cooperative business,” which roots yoga in its South Asian origins.

So far, I have learned about the origins of yoga, the importance of pranayama (breath control), and the practice of asanas (postures). Most importantly, I have learned how to apply these to shift stagnation, blockage, and imbalances that manifest from experiencing white supremacy culture, oppression, and homophobia.

Through the teachings, I am affirmed. Hearing the experiences and healing practices of people of color within my cohort, has grounded me. Journaling, healthy and balanced food preparation, and active study of the yoga practice are some of the collective experiences, that have brought awareness to my physical (body) responses to stagnation, blockage, and imbalance.

My physical response is breath restriction.

Awareness

Each month, we review how the injustices that people of color, women of color, queer and trans folks face, manifest as imbalances. I am learning how the imbalances show up in an emotional, physical, and/or spiritual way. This experience has allowed me to engage with my cohort on all of these levels.

By expressing collective joy, and pain surrounding economic divestment in neighborhoods, food deserts, basic need insecurity, white supremacy culture, homophobia, etc., I have an expanded understanding of the impact on overall well being, and how our communities cope and heal.

I have a physical response (breath restriction) when I feel triggered.
Injustices create imbalances. Restriction is a manifestation. Breath restriction is the behavior.

At Satya, I am openly processing how I internalize these daily injustices and imbalances. I can talk about them, without judgement. Satya, has created a space for rich, culturally affirming advisement on how to heal and maintain a healthy practice when these feelings bubble up. This includes practices such as asanas, altar work, restorative food/nutrition, and culturally based mudras.

“The breath connects to so much of our existence and yet we are often unaware of it. Think of how your breath moves in uncomfortable or tense moments. Often, we stall the breath by holding it in until we realize our bodies were literally waiting to exhale. The inverse happens during states of fear or shock.”

Breath Restriction

Weekly, we review the importance of breath work and how to incorporate different inhalation/exhalations techniques into our practice. In my practice, I became aware of breath restriction when flowing through difficult asanas. This resonated with my understanding of how I physically respond to interactions that are difficult.

When I restrict my breath, I am bracing myself.
Breath is life.

At Satya, I am learning different ways to engage cool and warm breath. This includes from different sides of the body, depending on the need to cool or ignite within the body.

“Whether I channel my breath during stressful days at work or at a much more private, intimate moment with a loved one, the breath, anchoring the physical body, can always provide insight on what the body feels and needs in the moment. We just have to get more into the practice of focusing on that conversation.”

Every space is not for me. However, once a week and monthly, during our weekend intensives, Satya creates a space which is rich and culturally affirming, a space which encourages and celebrates wholeness. The internalized, self destructive parts of me are welcome. There is space for the compartmentalized, banished, hidden, scary, grief-filled parts. There is space for joy, sensuality, wholeness, abundance, and spirit. Satya, aka “truth” has brought a heightened sense of awareness and affirmed that “it’s so important that I exist in this world.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sequoya D. Hayes is a Licensed Social Worker and has practiced yoga for 5 years. She recently joined a yoga immersion & teacher certification program. As a survivor, she has incorporated this practice into her healing process and aspires to bring this practice to her community work around collective healing, survivorship, criminalization, and queerness.

Space for Wholeness